Finding an answer to a question I didn’t have

poem inspired by the discussion desire Conserves desire Transgresses desire, with A. Engel, J. J. Govrin and C. Holzhey, organised by institute for queer theory at ICI Berlin, institut for cultural inquiries, February 4th 2015.

***

the game will always be lost
I’ve heard
repetition of life and death drives
de-constructive forces
assemblage of desires
libido and economic lines
capitalistic causalities
the game will always be lost
baby
but we can always start again from the beginning

each event has to be a surprise
that’s right
if an event isn’t a surprise, it is not an event
but look, we live into the unpredictable
personnally I never thought
I would ever jerk off watching at Donald Duck having sex on the hood of a car
„are you talking about magic?“
„could it be that you’re actually talking about magic
but you cannot call it that way so you call it sex?“
magic resists
magic is not going to become an object
magic is the point of conversion where the object is becoming subject
how often is language the reflection of desire?
you can find new answers to new questions
I know you want encounters with unexpected activities
unexpected practices
baby
we live into the unpredictable
it might appear evident but in the next moment it falls apart
if you want to bake a cake, don’t use a multiquick juicer
yes,
it is my desire
for verbalization
am I idealizing the absolute of belonging?

controlling serendipity does not eliminate casuality
nor does it fulfill it
but having no demand
again & again
being open for contingency
and our attitude towards it
our attitude towards belonging
our attitude towards becoming
and towards totality
this is what counts
is it something I should aim at?
I shall highlight pleasure and joy
emphasize random encounters
pleasant surprises
strong subjects
body assemblages
buying some stuff in order to fulfill a need I didn’t have
in order to fulfill a need I didn’t  know I had
– so to speak
opening up possibilities of risks in the very notion of serendipity
openness as a condition that already exists
openness in which vulnerability is not abstract
overdosis of abstraction
baby
see, detectives are almost always depicted beyond sexual desire
except their desire to know
the fairy tale is logical
from one organisation of pleasure to another
that has no framework
so, when the binary is resolved and become a sharing of space
that is
not overthrowing the system but shifting perceptions
offering a solution for the paradoxical moment
re-thinking it
erring is better than perhaps
my love
deep love
something greater than having an unexpected experience
is turning it into a discovery

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